Knitting Blankets

*Wrote this paper last semester for English Class, re read it today and thought it was blog worthy.  

In this life, you have to know what you believe. If people believe nothing or-worse, do not know what they believe, they will fall for anything. I believe that this is one of the greatest tragedies of uneducated people. Without a good belief system, far too many lies enter the human subconscious and turn into personal beliefs. With a belief system that is contorted and wrong ultimately can be responsible for such travesties in the world today including but not limited to the youth revolting, the economic crisis, grunge music and teen pregnancy. Regardless, the beliefs that a person has and calls their own become part of them. Deep into the fabrics of their being they knit their beliefs into a blanket. They use this blanket during conversation and everyday life. This blanket is not only used to cover themselves from harm, but also used to cover others up. Sometimes, the blanket is used as a sort of weapon. The blanket is thrown on others and often times if the blanket is thrown on them enough, the blanket becomes as much a part of the person who made it as the person who it is thrown over. Some people knit their blankets their whole lives. They take classes on knitting and often times they use many different types of yarn. This is not to say however, that their blanket is knit in one sitting or even when they sit down with the needle and yarn to being knitting they even know what they are doing. In this situation, many people ask for help from loved ones such as parents and friends and a lot of times, these people are wonderful influences in their blanket making. With that said, when people make the blankets alone, they are often times not getting the full value of what the blanket could be. Now, make no mistake. Parts of the blanket can be done alone. It is ignorant to believe that there are not times in this life when solitude isn’t necessary. Sometimes, being alone is the best thing but not for long periods of time even though some people may enjoy life like that. However, I think that human beings long for this sense of community. It’s in community that we knit together. We share our thoughts on our blankets and together we go through life.


Together. This sense of community is so core to our existence. We are a together people. Together we learn from each other’s mistakes. We grieve together. We think together. We laugh together. We even cry together. There is something about this idea of community that is so inviting. Being together is not a hard thing to do. It’s natural. Think about it- picture a new born child who is just learning how to walk. Now show me a child that learned how to walk, talk, eat- whatever on their own. It just doesn’t happen. From the beginning of our lives we are meant for companionship and love. Now, as men, sometimes it’s hard to ask for help- isn’t it? We have been told by this world that being a man is not about asking for help. We are told to take our emotions and shove them somewhere in the trunk of our mind and never face them. Why? Why do we as men do this? I have to believe that it is a defense mechanism. We are trained by the world to do this so we do not get hurt. However, I am led to believe that life is not meant to be done this way. We are meant for so much more and so many men fall short. We are told to “love your neighbor as yourself and pray for those who persecute you” but we have a hard time even loving our father who always gripes on us. When do we surrender? When do we give up? First before we give up our relationships, we have to give over ourselves. Recently, I have been finding myself say to God, “God, I’m tired of me. I’m tired of living the same story every day. Help me write a new one.” It’s been a hard prayer but, in general, it’s been a good one. As an avid follower of Christianity, I often find myself taking the philosophy of the “Celebrate Recovery” ministry (A Christian version of AA) which is- “you can’t do it alone.” Even though this was ultimately meant to talk about the importance of leaning of God to help get over addictions, I use it to talk about the importance of community in both the Christian faith and in life in general. Together, we do life.


Every February, my dad, uncle, some other friends and I get together and take a trip to the mountains near my grandparents’ house on my dad’s side for a bitter cold weekend of camping, guns and food. Calling this a weekend of testosterone is an understatement. The smell of gun powder, ever burning firewood, beer and chips permeate the woods of my grandparents farm for the entire weekend as we nestle ourselves into the hand made “Camp Noah” that my dad and grandfather erected back when my now 23 year old sister was only 3 or 4. The days are filled with the booms and bangs of old bullets in old guns along with the laughter of the old, well known jokes that never tire. Even though an unsaid rule for the weekend was “no deep conversations” the relationships that were built or made stronger was a great reason in itself to go on the trip. Somehow, maybe in the spirit of a good time, the surface level conversations about my dad’s new 650cc Suzuki Bergman scooter or the stories from my brigadier general uncle about the stupid people he has to deal with on a daily basis have somehow brought a deeper understanding within myself about what it really means to be a man and also to be part of a community.


My Father always said, “Go looking for devils and you will see devils. Go looking for angels and you will see angels.” I was adopted at the age of two. My father, Lorenzo Maestas was a booming 6ft tall and was built like an industrial ocean liner. Even though I never met him at an age I would remember, I am told that he had jet black hair and skin just like mine. Also, just like me, as my mom tells me, it took him into his mid-30’s to grow a beard which explains why my “mexistache” hasn’t shown much improvement. My mother, Shelly Maestas was also a gorgeous woman. She had the same color hair as both my father and I. However, the unfortunate thing is my parents needed more than just their looks to take care of me. After a year or so of having me as their child, my loving parents decided that they were not mentally or economically capable to raise me and give me the life that they knew I deserved. Also, on top of that, my father got caught drunk driving thus finalizing me going to social services. What follows is a wonderful love story about how my now aunt met me and took me home and how my family fell in love with me. However, I still remember the day that I was told the full story about my adoption. Luckily, I have always known that I am adopted and have always worn it as a sort of medal. Never to be ashamed of my past. However, when I was old enough to learn about my adoption and how it really happened, the feelings of happiness turned more into feelings of remorse and regret for the awful things that happen to families in this world. I also began to not feel sorry for myself but instead I began to sympathize with my parents. Even though they inadvertently hurt me at a young age and changed my life forever, they are loved by my God just as much as I am. After I used this idea of love in the road to forgiving my parents, I started to use this as I interacted with all people. I learned that all people are loved by God. Therefore, I should love them also. Now, make no mistake, I am not a humanist. I am however a Christian and choose to adopt the same love of people that Jesus of the bible had. As I began to knit this part of my blanket, I found myself using this philosophy in my beliefs on war and how to handle confrontation.


In the words of the great musician and quasi philosopher, Dave Matthews “War is the most vulgar madness.” I would like to say that I can change or save all people, but even though I do call myself a pacifist, I am not oblivious to the world around me. There is lot of hate out there in this world. However, I strive every day to find creative ways to solve conflict non-violently. I wasn’t always this way. In fact, I was an avid military supporter until about six months ago. All through high school, I was haunted by the thought that people believed I was weak or could not defend myself. Soon, I found myself trying to prove something to others that I didn’t even believe myself. I realized that I didn’t want to be a tough guy with the perfect body who would fight every guy that came near his girlfriend. I wanted to be my own person. I got tired of living a life that my parents, friends and the media mapped out for me to live. I was tired of being this machine that took on beliefs and world views without considering if I believed them myself. I wanted to be my own person. I was done with others knitting my blanket. Surprisingly, this whole journey that I have been on to find my self-beliefs is a rather new idea. I would think that this should be something that is pursued since birth but, quite honestly, since about the age of sixteen or seventeen, I was pretty dead set on keeping all of the beliefs that my parents had. With this, I found myself in conversations asking myself “How would mom and dad handle this situation or how would they react to this confrontation” I forgot that I was my own person and should have been asking myself “How would I best use my prior knowledge about right and wrong to most successfully solve this problem?” I guess part of this realization came when I started to understand how close I was to graduating and soon, my beliefs would need to be my own. It was without question a weird feeling because I felt like I was turning against my parents. Denying their teaching. Forgetting their wisdom. For a while, I thought that I would be either disowned or not accepted for my views. Thankfully, none of this happened and my parents continue to support me in all of my endeavors that are good for me.


When people think of passivism, people think of wimps who are too scared to fight. They believe that if you choose not to physically harm the other person while in a confrontation then it is being done wrong. Personally, I do not believe that. I do not believe that war is the only answer and violence will solve all problems. I believe that there are many more options in solving the same conflict with non-violent means than there is with violent means. One question that is always brought up about this is “How would you react if someone came into your house and wanted to kill you and your family?” First, to answer this question we must look at a couple of things about the scenario and what he already assumes about what he would do and the situation itself that are rarely true. First, the questioner is under the idea that I have a gun nearby. In many situations, including break ins, unless the victim is near his guns- providing that he has any- the option of shooting the other person is not very probable. Also, the person who is asking the question believes about himself that he is a good enough shot to shoot the person. If the person who robbed his family is running while he is shooting, the chances are a lot less that he will be successful with shooting him. Third, the person believes that he has enough mental capacity to deal with the aftermath of the robbery- the reality he now has a murder on his back. As a pacifist, I believe that when or if someone comes into my home and wants to harm me in anyway, shooting and ultimately killing the other person is taking away all chances for rehabilitation, friendship or even conversion. Even so, recognizing that in a robbery, there are way more variables than people like to admit that could happen during the break in can really help a person out in understanding how to deal with this situation. Also, on a more personal level, I often times find myself thinking that war as a whole can really be averted by having all the people who are angry at each other sitting down at a table and talking about it. Some people see this as something that can never be done. My question is- when has it been tried? Many times, people say, “How do you know if you don’t like it if you don’t try it?” This is my point exactly. If talking about a situation no matter how big it may be doesn’t work, then I will stop believing it. What hurts me the most about war, is that no other options have been tried besides using the knowledge that the government has to make decisions on. To me, this is not the way that conflict should be handled. Now, maybe my thoughts on this would be different if I lived in Somalia or Syria, but from listening to as much music as I do, I have seen people who have seen their loved ones killed and do not come out of the situation wanting to kill others. Rather, they come out wanting love and peace for all. To me, this is the wonderful thing about this belief system. Even though we know it may not be able to be reached, love and peace for all people is something that we strive for every day.


Also, this is the best thing about music. Since I was born, music has been part of my life. I remember when I was at my aunt’s house I would literally bang on her piano and feel as though I was making music. More recently as in the past 8 years, I have learned to play both drums and piano. I have drummed in marching bands, concert bands, jazz bands, rock bands and pit bands throughout my high school career. I have played at countless recitals and have even written a song or two. To me, music is a form of communication. When a group of musicians come together and start making music, something magical happens. There is something in the air that cannot be even grasped by the most experienced philosopher. For reasons that only God himself can describe, the activity of making music brings people together from all different backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, and socio-economic status. As we make music, we form a common bond. As we lose ourselves in the tempo of the music, we are for that period of time, a world at peace. To me, when you watch a band play that is really passionate about their music smiling at each other, this smile is not a show. This smile is to saying “I don’t want to be anywhere else then right here making music with you.” My high school band director once said “Music is therapeutic.” At the time, we as a band were going through a horrible loss of an elementary school band director as he got fired for possession of child pornography. As I sat in that band room weeping over the horrible things that have taken place, I had my snare drum beside me, for it was the night before nationals and marching band was well underway. That night, we rehearsed. We did not neglect having rehearsal because of this and, by the end of the practice, I almost forgot about the reason I was crying only 2 hours earlier. This really drove home for me how amazing the art of music can be. Leave your worries at the door, leave your cares behind and lose yourself in the music.


Knitting is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard and can often times leave you wanting more. However, I think we as a people must realize that this is not all there is. This life we live is only temporary and in it, we must love and care for all people no matter how much we do not like them or how much they hurt us in the past. This life is too short to hold grudges. It’s time to forgive. It’s time to love. My friends- Knit your blanket well. Ask and seek. Do not let this world tell you how you should live or how you should believe. Know the facts and from there make educated decisions. We must not go through this life unaware of what is happening. We must make a difference and we must make it soon. It’s time to take a stand for what we believe in. It’s time to act. There is no better time than the present.